For a few months now, I have been bringing my step dad and mom meals every other day. My mom is not well. The "worse" that I thought she was a few months ago makes it look like it was nothing compared to now. My heart is completely aching to almost a physical extent.
Today was one of the days I was going to bring them dinner. I packed the girls up in the car and headed over to my moms to bring her dinner. I had planned on bringing it earlier in the afternoon as I usually do, but it just didn't work out. As I drove up to my moms house, I noticed a young man standing sort of in the street looking down the way... I thought not much more of it. I got out of the car and started to get the girls out to go in and put the meal in the fridge. As I got Bailey out, the man came up to me w/a concerned look and asked if I lived there... and I said, no I am their daughter.. and then he said that he had been concerned and watching my mom wander down the way. Bless his heart for telling me. I loaded the girls back in the car as he directed me on to where he had seen her walk...
When I pulled up to where she was, she was sitting on the edge of someone's front lawn with a huge glass fruit bowl, a rotten banana, grapes, a piece of black plastic, her key chain that had a single tiny key on it, to which she there was no trace of a house key. Her bleach blonde hair with black roots frayed everywhere and dirty, sweat pants way to big on her, a huge t-shirt and some platform flip flops. I rolled down the window to say "hi"... I couldn't manage much more at that moment. My heart was broken, I felt sick to my stomach, my spirit heavy with the burden of pain seeing my mom this way...
I felt like I just wanted to loose it and cry. Who is this lady? Where is my mom? Is this really real? I had to be strong for my mom and for my girls that were sitting in the back seat of the car. I had to rely on a strength, the only strength that would get me through.. that of my Lord. I got my mom in the car, we drove around... I knew she couldn't be alone. Her help had already gone home for the day. So we drove and drove... we drove down some places in Fullerton with memories...we drove by horses to which she loves...we rolled down the windows, we let the sun shine in... not much was said.
But sometimes, there are days when he seems better.
But generally, his memory
is on THE BIG FADE.
He's likely to remember he's got problems.
But sometimes, his forgetting can lighten up his day.
They say that what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
But generally, his memory
is on THE BIG FADE.
THE BIG FADE:
it's likely to be hitting most of us in time.
THE BIG FADE:
is it something we can maybe fight
or should we be resigned?
He's likely to be telling the same story
the third time in ten minutes and this is a good day.
We take a walk. He tells me not to worry.
But generally, his memory
is on THE BIG FADE.
But generally, most of who he is
is on THE BIG FADE.
"Irving Berlin I Can't Remember lyrics"
[Verse:]
I met you, I remember
But try as I may
I can't seem to remember the time or the day
I met you, I remember
That's all I can say
Was it August or September or April or May?
[Refrain:]
I can't remember the first time we met
Was it cloudy or beautiful?
I can't remember the first words I spoke
Did I say you were beautiful?
Was it Sunday? Was it Monday?
Were you dressed in gray or blue?
I can't remember
For all I remember is you
I STILL CRY
I'm making flowers out of paper
While darkness takes the afternoon
I know that they won't last forever
But real ones fade away to soon
Chorus:
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you're allright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry
It's just that I recall september
It's just that I still hear your song
It's just I can't seem to remember
Forever more those days are gone
Chorus:
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you're allright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you're allright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry
Magnitude 9 After Tomorrow Lyrics
What would we say if our lives we live today, had suddenly made a chance
How would we feel if our fear became real, and everything`s gone away
I can`t seem to remember nothing at all
Memories lost with time I can`t recall
We`re running through life trying to reach out dreams
As our whole world around us is falling apart at the seams
When will it end now we`re falling, will we know after tomorrow
We may not see the way it will be if the sands have run out of time
I can`t seem to remember nothing at all
Memories lost with time I can`t recall
We`re running through life trying to reach out dreams
As our whole world around us is falling apart at the seams
When will it end now we`re falling, will we know after tomorrow
[solo]
Searching to find the way, feels like I`ve lost control
lonely I long for the day I can get back to my home
We`ll never know what fate has to hold in the balance of our life
I can`t seem to remember nothing at all
Memories lost with time I can`t recall
We`re running through life trying to reach out dreams
As our whole world around us is falling apart at the seams
When will it end now we`re falling, will we know after tomorrow
It Must Habe Been Years
by Gary Numan
A radio plays `white christmas
Its been doing that for years
If someone leaves the station
Oh please dont talk to strangers
Cant you see theyre not like us
The vacant flesh of u.d.s
Stand leaning by the walls
You can feel them thinking over
Ways of merging with the thoughts
You never dare to dream
It must have been years
It must have been years
They want to relive all my memories
Give me `the service daily
Maybe it was mother
I cant seem to remember
Much at all these days
Picture open doorways
No pick-ups by the taxi boys
Just a bed near the window
And an old lamp by my pillow
And the things I have to do
It must have been years
It must have been years
The driver wants to touch me
He mentions all the old cop bullshit
I try to back away
But hes so strong I just cant move
Maybe I dont want to anyway
The time to leave is always `soon
I wonder if Im lying
A vague feeling of panic
As a man leaves saying thank you
I blame it all on you
It must have been years
It must have been yearsMemories, humming all the breeze
